Trans'parent' or Why my past SUCKS for my daughters

Earlier this year I shared with you my story of abuse and it was a HUGE release for me emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Enormous.

That shitty story really screwed with my mothering but I got rid of the toxic hell it was causing me.  I THANK YOU for reading and commenting (if you did.)  I'm a better mother for it.  Really.

I was scared to DEATH the day I became a mother.  I really, really was! I knew that from the moment I pushed that first little round head out of my body, that I had a HUGE obligation to her, my first daughter, later my second daughter and now my third daughter to be one thing: Transparent.

{my luna & her sign}

I'm not exactly sure when I thought this but I know that at some point, I promised myself that I would strive to be honest, open and as transparent as I could possibly be with them.  It's the LEAST that I could do right?!

No secrets.

No guessing.

No omitting my truth.

I sometimes worry that my past puts a fat damper on their lives.  I have a million fucking phobias and I'm skeptical of just about EVERYTHING even when it's starring me straight in the face.  I have issues!

{I hope Kalina loves her curls as much as I do when she's older...}

Here's 5 reasons why my 'past' totally SUCKS for my daughters (in no particular order):

1. There is a high probability that I will NEVER allow my daughters to a) have a slumber party or b) sleep over a friend's house (for obvious reasons.)  
2. I don't trust MOST people because, yes, I'm ultra jaded and super skeptical and because I'd probably bite the head off of ANYONE that would mess with them.  Period.  
3. My parents rarely partake in the mundane moments of their lives because, well, they weren't really there during mine (sorry Mom & Dad!) Sucks for the girls...  
4. There is a good chance that by the time that they are 11 or 12 years old, they'll be wearing a women's size 8 in shoe because it happened to me.  Both my husband and I have big ass feet! You can find me in the women's size 10 shoe isle.  Sorry girls! 
5. If any of them chooses to 'ask' me if they could get a tattoo or a body piercing, I'm going to have to say YES because I certainly cannot be one of those 'do as I say, not as I do' sorta parent unless you count the time that I said, 'Eat your chicken!' while I scarfed a basket of french fries (not mine, my daughter's.)  Hubby has a tattoo and I have 2 body piercings.  BUT we were 22 and 23 when we decided to 'decorate' our bodies.  So I guess we sorta 'win' after all.  Sorry girls! 

That's all.  

My.

Own.

Crazy.

Trans'parent'

Worries.  

{hubby's view of me...}