There were some pivotal things I learned from my mother and other things about her that I'd simply like to forget. Still, I love her dearly.
I was sitting at a café down the street from my house the other morning, Luna was watching a flick on the Kindle Fire and I starting thinking long and hard about the positive things my mother had imparted to me as a young girl.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. Children are gifts. Mothering is an art. Feeling completely consumed by mothering your children and trying to do it 'right' is a natural and expected emotion. I feel the latter quite often. Still, I love being a mother. Period.
My mother confessed to me once that she wasn't too thrilled about having children but that she was glad she had had all five of us. Of course, she had her first child at age 16 and no one WANTS a child at that age, right?!
She always wanted to travel. Her dream job was to become a flight attendant (a Stewardess back then) and to be free to roam the globe as she pleased.
Instead, she takes care of two children that are not related to her. She's a nanny. Those children spend more time with her than her own grandkids do. Life is funny that way.
She once told me that she wished she could have her
five daughters and nine grandchildren in one room together, sharing and being her family. I don't know that this will ever happen but I sure wish I could give it to her even for just one moment.
Her life is filled with so much
regret that perhaps this one little gesture would ease her pain just a little...
Or maybe I'm being a little too optimistic?
I came up with four things my mother taught me.
1. Give and don't expect anything back:
My mother never told me this but she taught it to me by her generous way toward others and her charismatic demeanor.
She has a fickle heart but she's genuine in her actions.
Growing up, I found myself wanting to help others because of my mom. My mother gives until she barely has enough for herself and she'll never ask for anything in return.
Simply how she is and I like that about her.
2. Be cautious with your decisions:
My mother never really voiced this lesson either, however, I did watch her every step and analyzed her choices and decisions closely. There was always a sense of doubt in her choices.
Her doubt often expressed itself through her candid ability to flee in retreat from her decision making. It inadvertently affected me in such way that nine out of ten times I'm looked upon as being way too cautious. I'm okay with that.
3. Keep good friends close:
My mother estranged herself from her family for about 10 years. I was about five years old. I have no recollection of ever hugging or kissing my maternal grandmother, Carmen. I have no memories of playing with my other cousins, my mother's nieces and nephews, that were my age.
My mother relied heavily on her friends and her 'chosen family.' I grew up feeling and believing that family wasn't worth having around because they'd probably never be there for you when you really needed them. This is what I saw. This is what I lived. This is the only thing I knew.
Somewhere deep down in my soul I knew that there was something missing. Still, I value family. I love connecting with relatives and I look at relationships much differently than the way I observed them as a child.
I keep my friends close. I'm selective in how I engage but I'm authentic and genuine in my actions. My mother taught me that friends are sometimes a little better than family. Then there are times where one ends up coming back to one's roots to further understand themselves.
My dearest friends are my heart and they know it...
4. Be self-sufficient:
One random day my mother said to me, "Don't ever depend on a man for security." I was 10 years old. It was a bold statement. I understood what she meant. I also knew that she wasn't practicing her own advice.
For some unknown reason, her advice seared itself in my mind. It made a huge impression on me. I'm so glad she said this to me because it further cemented my desire, passion and will to follow my dreams no matter who or what was standing in front of me.
My teenage years were a challenge because I struggled with my mother to take me to school or work.
I held a 25 hour per week part-time job while in tenth grade. Every two-weeks, I'd give her half of my paycheck, something I felt like I had to do. She often said that she was either too busy or that she didn't have enough gas to take me to school or work. Thank goodness for public transportation and a couple of friends.
These challenges shaped who I am. For better or worse, I thank my mother for this.
The other day, I asked my mother what color tulips she liked most, "Pink.", she said.
So I got her these... just a blooming reminder that I love her.
*To my dear and loyal readers, I wish you all a lovely Mother's Day... ♥
