Sitting in a tree

The girls and I were driving around doing some errands today.  We had just dropped Kalina off at her pre-school skills class at Gymboree.

Sabrina and Luna were singing their own song in the back seat.  It was a change from Adele's 21 album (they know all the songs and love the entire album.)

The day was gorgeous and sunny and crisp and the sound of their little voices in the background made it easier for me to deal with the our typical city traffic.  Always a drag to go out and drive. Ugh.

They were stuck on that playground 'Kissing' song that most people I know surely knows, "Boy and girl, sitting in a tree, Kay-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-En-Gee, first comes love, then comes marriage..." 
Yeah, that one!    

It was funny to hear them in the back carrying on because each time they got to the very end of the song, "Then comes the baby in the baby carriage", the cackling was loud and contagious!

They'd add their own names with a boy they 'like' and laugh even harder at the prospect of 'love and kissing and a baby!"

Of course, they later sang the song adding in their father's and my name.  I found it sweet and cute and quite funny.  My eldest made it clear that the song was right on for her dad and I.  

"Just like the song says, Mama! That's just how it happened right?!" Sabrina exclaimed.

"Yes, seems about right. After the love and marriage, first came you, then Luna and then Kalina.
Not that simply but yes, pretty much..." I added.  

They continued enjoying their silly laughter and added other names to their tune for the fun of it all.

Their laughter allowed me to savor the moment.  I didn't even think about the traffic!
Splotches of sunlight peeked in through parts of the tree canopy (we live in a lush part of town with large oak and ficus trees) and the ride was even more refreshing.

The song may have been silly but the singing was wonderful and it reminded me that childhood is indeed a magical time and no matter how silly a game or a song may be, the laughter accompanying it trumps all unpleasantries, traffic and all.

I also saw the confidence they have about the love that their parents have for one another.
This was special to me.  I never felt this as a child but I'm surely grateful that I can give this to my children.

It was sweet and cute and perfect... made me just want to go sit in a tree.

2011: I reflect

The end of this year is quickly approaching (22 days to be exact.)  Once again, I find myself remembering the moments and episodes in my life that have made an impact during this year.

2011 represents a powerful year so far.

For me, the number eleven stands like two pillars of strength, hope, determination and great accomplishments.  A year of incredible gifts and love...

Of all the changes that have evolved within me, the most powerful one of was 'voicing' my silence of sexual abuse.  This one act took courage and my need to begin my healing journey.  Interestingly, several months before this life changing moment took place, I discovered my voice as a writer through drafting my first novel as my Master's Thesis.  Soon there after, I was published on Babble.  Ecstatic cannot describe the feeling.  

I continue to reflect.

I reflect on the moments I was too hard on myself or the moments I needed to push a little harder to rise up to the next step or the times I felt that I could no longer cope with certain inalienable truths.

I reflect on the simple pleasures I experienced alongside my loving husband, curled up next to him on the couch watching a film or making dirty martini's in our kitchen, barefoot, half dressed and listening to The Rolling Stones.  Mundane and momentous moments...

I reflect on my incredible daughters and the lessons they have taught me.  The way they love me, treasure me and 'see' me for what I am and not for what has ever 'happened' to me.  They reward me with comments like, 'Mommy, it's okay to make mistakes' (Luna-6) or 'Mommy, you're the best even if you think you are not...' (Sabrina-7) and 'Mommy, I 'lub' you 'sho' much!' (Kalina-3)

I reflect on the moments that counted as my moments of arrival and growth.  Much growth has germinated within me.

This year has brought forth a different me.  A 'me' I never knew could live in this skin.  This has been the year I stopped shrinking.

For once, I've doubted less and less and I've embraced more each time.  

I started sprouting and growing and becoming braver and compassionate.  I am garnished in love and awareness for the mundane.

I like the 'her' I see.  Actually, I love 'her.'  This 'me' that bewilders and amazes my senses is the person I've been trying to understand and have allowed her to finally blossom.

I've arrived.

There was a time when all I could see was mud all around me.  No water.  No clarity.  No renewal.  

But I now know this...

Where there is mud there is water and the water that I have discovered and cleansed the mud away with has restored and nurtured what I thought was missing forever.

My 'self.'