Sincerity meets Reuniting

About three years ago two very lovely people fell out of touch. For various reasons and perhaps some misunderstandings, things between them fell apart.

Their friendship was special.  They'd connected in a way that's virtually impossible to articulate.
A sisterly love was shared between them and was never broken.

Before they met, their hearts were left thousands of miles away.  They had both emigrated from the same country, so this was a vital force in their friendship. It's inevitable to want to find those that share a common thread with us.

I've been fortunate enough to call one of these lovely individuals my friend, my sister and one of the few people I trust to leave my children with. She's thoughtful and caring and honest and available emotionally and authentically. I value this. I value her. I love her dearly...

I knew how heavy her heart was about the loss of connection with her friend. I felt it and it affected me. It pains me to see people suffering over misunderstandings. The fact that we are human and imperfect drives a force within me to want to make things better for those that need a listening ear or a compassionate heart.

The human condition fascinates and bewilders me...

Because I had shared my thoughts on the subject of her loss with my dear friend and had encouraged her to reach out to her friend, it was my sincere desire to see her re-kindle that relationship because love and the people we choose to be our family is sacred to me.

Loyalty and sincerity is my nature.

I know that we don't always get the family we want or understand why certain people are the way that they are but there is no doubt in my mind that we get the people we need. We never know how we are going to affect or inspire anyone at any given moment in our lives.

Yesterday, I took it upon myself to reach out to her friend. This is when I mention how Facebook has allowed for magical things to happen.

Magical things happened.

Her friend was open, available, receptive, loving and absolutely ready to re-connect with her! I sent a simple message that basically said:

"Hi! I've been meaning to tell you that there is someone who misses her friend. She needs you but is too embarrassed to tell you because so much time has passed. She may get angry at me for telling you but I had to because I love her too much not to try.  There, I said it. I feel better... vj" 

Within moments I received a response from her. A positive one. She was over-the-moon delighted that I had shared this truth with her. She was grateful that I was sincere with her. She couldn't wait to speak to her friend.

This is where their journey, once again, begins.

The following day they spoke. They shared how much they missed one another. They let each other know how much they are loved.  They've already planned to see one another for a joyous occasion and this simply brings a song to my heart.

I was thanked for a simple act. Two hearts were needing one another but simply didn't know how to bridge the gap. Sometimes we're given a role to partake in and our heart always knows when its the right moment to act upon it. For whatever reason, I was the catalyst to this chapter in their friendship.

Yesterday was my friend's son's birthday and the friend I reached out to is his Godmother.
She'd been thinking of her Godson all day....

It was a good day because when sincerity met reuniting everyones heart smiled...      

Simply stated

Today I am grateful for the things that I have, good and bad.

Continuing to cultivate compassion is what my mantra will be.

Today I am grateful for personal growth and awareness.

Continuing to be authentic in my actions and loyal to myself will be my modus operandi.

Today and everyday I will continue to remind my daughters to acknowledge those who love them because expressing gratitude and authenticity shines brighter than any star in the Universe.

Continuing to be an example for my daughters is my number one priority because I am their foundation.

Today I'm allowing my cloak of discontent to fall to the ground because the only cloak that will keep me warm and safe is love.

Continuing to sew the pieces of my life together is the only way I'll have a quilt large enough to cover all of those that are dear to me.

Today is a good day.

I continue to learn.

I continue to grow.

I continue to make mistakes and pick myself back up again.

I'm alive and I'm imperfect and I'm okay with this.

An ounce

I don't know why this surprises me but it never fails to amaze me how the simplest of moments can become incredibly special.  

I'm talking about sharing quality time and moments with those that genuinely love you.  It really doesn't matter what you're doing or where you're at because what matters is how you feel while in these moments.

Joy.

"If you can enjoy the smallest moments then all it takes is an ounce 

to truly experience joy..."-Uncle Julio (Poppa)

{Laughter is joy}

When you experience the tender moments of love a person has held for you no matter how much time has passed and how now they are transmitting all of that same love to your children, there is nothing left to wonder or contemplate because pure joy has been returned in the smallest of forms.  A priceless gift.

Grateful.

Each of my daughters are a small reminder of what once was, a little me.  It's sweet and it's special to my aunt and uncle.  Still, they know that the girls are their own little people but it touches their hearts to have this moment in time, this ounce of joy and this small reminder and small piece of me.
Getting to know each one of them has allowed another chance and opportunity to spread their love, only now times three.

Love.

I'm beyond happy for the time the girls have been able to have with them.  It's what I wanted.

We invest in those we cherish.

I feel like I'm sharing this investment with my girls because they will forever reap the benefits of who these two very special people are to me.  The interest appreciates with every giggle, smile and each moment of joy.

Sometimes, all it takes is small doses of a good thing to make a lasting impact.    

{Soaking in the joy of life}

{Above is a chalk drawn 3D sidewalk art celebrating the Macon Cherry Blossom Festival}

Family.

We don't always get what we want or sometimes what we expect but it's up to us to make the absolute best of what we have.  I was telling my uncle how I've become selective with whom I choose to interact with, share my life with and invest my energy into.  Not every person will value an authentic relationship and well, that's okay because I'll still hold compassion for these individuals.  We cannot change a single person but we surely can choose how we comport ourselves.  For me, simple is always better and I've cherished every moment I've been given thus far.

At the end of it all, it just takes an ounce of joy to make an enormous difference.

{Inside the first train station circa 1940's}

Joy.  Absolute joy is what I've been offered during this vacation and reunion and I've gladly and thankfully accepted it.  Joy is love.  Joy is simple.  All it takes is an ounce.  Joy is all this...

Distance and home

The girls and I have been away from home only since last Friday but it feels like forever.

I miss my darling husband and his kisses.  I miss my dog and her barking.  I miss my baby bunny and his hopping.  I miss the scent of my room and my pillow.

This is what distance does.  It makes you miss stuff.  It also makes you appreciate and love all of those things even more.

The girls are having the time of their lives.  Visiting our family this time has been a true wonder.  My aunt and uncle treat me more like a daughter and my girls like their granddaughters because their hearts are just so very special.  This is how they are, loving, gentle, generous and available for us.  I could not have asked for anything more genuine but more so, belonging to me by blood.  This is the feeling I've often searched for—a family that I belong to.  

I am home.  It feels great.  It is what I've always hoped I had somewhere.

This is what my family is like... simple & happy

Happiness in a cherry blossom tree...

Family is togetherness even after a long distance... (Chris and Me with Kalina and Luna) 

Family is silly moments that last a lifetime... (Chris & Kalina)

Family is laughing and sharing...

Family is making memories and looking at past ones...

Family is this... colorful.

Happiness with a loose tooth!

Happiness is getting to wear as many band-aids as we want... thanks to family that spoil us! 

So far, my 'parents' have given me an opportunity to peek into the love and adoration they've always had for me.  I miss my home, yes, but I would not want to miss any more of all this here.  For this, I am eternally grateful and thrilled.   

On a lighter note: Georgia bound!

Remember when I wrote about the amazing gift I received from my Aunt & Uncle? Well, if you didn't read it you can find it here.

After receiving that 'proof of little wonder' and how it moved me beyond what I had ever expected, I immediately planned a trip to go up and visit them.  I knew that it was time for us to reunite once again and this time with my three amazing daughters for them to love as well.

We'll be heading out to Georgia this weekend! I've decided to spend 2 entire weeks with them because a short weekend will not suffice.

My Uncle has already been making preparations for our arrival, more for the girls because he already got all three of them their own bikes!

I know that they're just as excited as I am.  I'm a bit worried about the intense noise level that my girls will be brining to their lovely abode. Yikes!  There is never a dull moment with three very spirited and curious little girls.  I just cannot wait to see the look on their faces...

I'm hoping to have more time to sit and continue working on my current book while visiting them.  We'll see... I'll be blogging and writing and sharing our visit either way.

The other night, my husband said to me right before I zonked out,
"You know, I saw your book in Barnes & Noble."

"You did, did you?" I responded.

"I'm putting it out there for you!" He continued.

"Was it on the New York Times Bestseller list?" I asked.

"Oh, well, I couldn't see THAT much." He said.  I just chuckled and thanked him for believing in me.

UPDATE: Time is our friend

After the the terrible news of last week regarding the law that passed in Florida that will inevitably change the way my husband earns a secure living, we were pleased to learn that the PIP law will not go into effect until January 01, 2013.

I found this short video explaining the new law and how it affects the consumers at large.

We have about 10 months to get our affairs in order with respect to our game plan.  We've initiated a plan but only time and what is ultimately meant to be will reveal the final solution.

We're remaining optimistic and open to any new possibilities that are in store for us and we're continuing to plan ahead no matter what.

Time is our friend for the next 10 months.

Touch

A giggle, a smirk, a caress.

A tap, a hug, a smile.

A wordless, "I'll sit here with you for a while."

Most of us can agree that when words fail us, there is always the physical language that we can rely on.

Touch.  

These moments happen more often than not.  Words aren't enough, at times.
Words can't soothe, always.  Words interfere, sometimes.  

Body language.  It speaks volumes.

It can cure simple woes with a simple touch.
It can remind you that you're alive and breathing.
Hugs can hold you together when everything else is falling apart.

The first time I met my mother-in-law, it was at a wedding of about 400 people.  I was nervous.  I was actually meeting just about every family member that I'd one day marry into at the same time in one big place.

I stood in a crowd of happy guests and people dancing all around me.  My boyfriend, now husband, assured me that there was nothing I needed to worry about.  Earlier that day he left a bouquet of brilliant yellow roses at my apartment along with a note he had written that read "I know that my family will see in you, the same bright star that brought a song to my heart."

Sure enough, in the midst of an overwhelming cacophony of voices and music, we met.  Perhaps it was the loud music or my surprise with her adorable stature (she's 4'10-I think) but I was lost for words.  But words were not needed.  Instead, I slightly bent over and kissed her cheek and smiled.  In return, she held my hand and gently squeezed it while smiling back with a sincere squint in her eyes.

There were no need for words because at that very instant her simple touch said it all.  We made a connection and it has only grown stronger and closer over the years.  I will never forget that day or how I felt.  I find this to be simply magical.      

Eye contact, it connects you and grounds you in an instant.
A gentle palm on the middle of your back... or a slight squeeze of the forearm.

Words don't matter when the eyes or the body speaks.

The other day I cupped my daughter's face in the palms of my hands.  Our faces were inches apart.  I looked into her eyes, she looked into mine and we smiled.  We listened to our eyes and heard each other.  Nothing else was needed.    

When words fail or simply have no place in a moment, there are always hugs or the simple act holding of someone's hand.  Touch IS universal and powerful...

Change is scary-My top 5

In response to my last blog post.

The top 5 things I've learned about CHANGE.

Proof of little wonders

A little over a month ago I wrote the story of my temporary parents in, 'Once upon a daughter.'

"Just when you least expect it, 

a little piece of wonder smacks you to tears and sheer smiles..."- vj

Allow me to express that my goal in sharing my deepest emotions and struggles here on my blog is to allow myself to further edify my mere existence, perhaps figure out a thing or two and maybe, just maybe, inspire one person while I'm at it.

My dear and loyal readers, what I am about to share with you has 'proven' a response to the one question I've grappled with for most of my adult life:

Was there ever a time where I was a genuinely happy child?  

I've shared some unfortunate things here on my blog as well as, emotionally draining issues and some scary stuff, among others.  Today, I give you my 'proof' of little wonders.      


I finally received the answer to my one question.  Here's the story...

Monday, February 27th 

I recognized the handwriting immediately.  There was a small box sitting on my doorstep.  It was addressed to me.  I love receiving personal mail.  I'm a geek like that.

A package from my Aunt Mary (my memory keeper) instantly put a smile on my face.  I truly had no idea what to expect.

I excitedly brought the box into the house and immediately began peeling away the layers of packing tape from the edges.  The box was methodically stuffed as to protect something valuable.  My heart began to race.

I don't know why but perhaps I felt that something wondrous was going to be uncovered?

Next, I pulled out one, then two, then three crumpled pieces of brown paper out from the box.
Then the note appeared.

As I read those beautifully written words, my heart fell to my feet and I was overcome with heavy emotions.  I held my mouth in complete 'awe' of what I was about to view for the very first time in my life.  

My hands were trembling with excitement and my heart continued to pound against my chest.  

I unwrapped a beautiful little box with a dragonfly on it! (Dragonflies are my absolute favorite insect.  They're like little magical creatures to me.)  Inside this special little box I found a perfect collection of memories.  Memories I thought I was NEVER lucky enough to have or own.

Carefully contained in this little box were 68 perfectly preserved slides.  All of them were photos of me just after I turned two in August 1979.  

Tears thickly welled up in my eyes as I gently removed each slide to hold up to the pendant lamp above me.  My husband was standing beside me, holding my back and simply 'awe' struck with what he was witnessing.  Photos of a little me that resembled each one of my little girls (especially our Kalina.)  

You may be wondering why all of this is so incredibly precious to me?  You see, I was a neglected and oftentimes abandoned child and up until now, there had been little 'proof' of a time when I was genuinely happy and safe and enjoying every waking second of my little life.  

On this particular day I held 'proof' of joyous moments.

I held 'proof' of a loving mother (Aunt Mary) to me.  

I held 'proof' of a loving father (Uncle Julio) behind the lens of that camera documenting and capturing the little wonders happening before him.    

I held 'proof' that my psyche was indeed marked with the deepest form of love and compassion by two very special and selfless individuals.  

I held proof.

"A mother does not solely have to be the person who gestated you 

but can also be the person who nurtured and loved you beyond understanding..."- vj

Gratitude is an understatement.

I bawled and whimpered and held my heart with each breath I took.
I worked hard to sniff up my snots!

"One click of a shutter can freeze and contain all the love and beauty 

that a loving father beheld in his eyes..."- vj

Because I was moved to sobs of joy I felt compelled to reach out to someone that also held a piece of my past with him, my 'brother' Chris (Aunt Mary and Uncle Julio's youngest son.)  Something inside of me felt that there was a possibility that he had played a role in this amazing treasure given to me.

Well, it turns out that he had played a role in this and for that I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL.
Weeks ago, Chris and his lovely wife had gone to visit my Aunt and Uncle and he stumbled upon them going through all of these old photos and slides.  When he saw this, my dear Chris told my Aunt Mary that I 'needed to see them and have them.'  He swung this incredible pendulum into motion.

I love you, Chris.  No matter how much distance is between us or the many years that have overlapped our lives, Chris IS and will always be my big brother.  My heart is drenched in absolute appreciation.

Chris & little me circa 1979

Tuesday, February 28th

Just as Aunt Mary had written in the note, the photo album arrived in a separate box.  I happened to be on my porch when the box arrived and I mentioned to the mail carrier that he had just 'delivered a treasured gift' and he smiled and said 'enjoy!'

My Aunt Mara was visiting me at the time and we had been talking about and viewing the slides.  Tears and smiles were abundant.

I tore the new box open and it revealed a personal album.

The album

The dedication

Aunt Mary put time, energy and a ton of LOVE into making this album for me.  The best part was finding small notes from her memory bank describing details that only a 'mother' would know and share.  

Our time together was special and sacred and I now own this 'proof' to share with my own daughters.  

I look at these photos and cannot help but to bathe myself in tears...

"You were still in diapers but going from toddler to little girl in a hurry."-Aunt Mary

'Proof' of a happy baby girl...

"Every morning you would pick out what you wanted to wear 

including your socks and shoes." -Aunt Mary

Little 'fashionista'

 "...Some of our friends gave you a baby shower with lot's of clothes as gifts..." 

"You loved bubble baths... the more bubbles the better..."- Aunt Mary

Look at that smile! Pure joy...

"You loved playing with cousins Chris & Mike's hamster, 'Poncho Bandito' "- Aunt Mary 

Fascinated...

"You loved books..."- Aunt Mary

My Aunt Mary made that 'princess' costume for me and 

I was able to have an 'early' and safe halloween experience before returning to my birth mother.  

The bottom photo is Aunt Mary and me on our last day together.  

33 years ago I was gifted with unconditional love and affection, not to mention all of the contagious giggles.  

10 years ago I was gifted with pieces of my past in the form of timeless images capturing the sweet baby 'daughter' I was to Uncle Julio and Aunt Mary and little 'sister' I was to Mike and Chris.  

Today, I've been gifted with a precious memory, my childhood happiness.  Thanks to my first unconditionally loving parents, Uncle Julio and Aunt Mary, I can hold this close to my heart forever.  

I love you both beyond what my words can ever express here.    

Uncle Julio & Aunt Mary,

As a small token of my immense gratitude and absolute love for you both, I'd be honored to gift you the chance to get to know, be a part of and share in the lives of my three daughters.  It is the least that I can offer with what you have forever seared in my heart and soul so long ago.  

Love and compassion grew out of my time with you.  Our time together was pivotal in so many ways.  Thank you... thank you... thank you... from the deepest corners of my heart... 

All my love,

           

"Compassion, from birth, is in our blood."- Dalai Lama

My Top 5 Down Sides of Parenting

Parenting.  It brings about a whirlwind of positives and negatives.  

Sometimes the negatives can really be a let down (no, not breast milk.)  

I love my children, but after having three, there have been moments where 

I literally want to yank my hair out.  No. Joke.  

Yes, I know, it comes with the territory but sometimes these moments call for a nice 

glass of ANY red wine or white wine because frankly, I like my hair. 

Here are my top 5 down sides to parenting (in no particular order.) 

Image via Google

1. Potty Panic...

You're finally out the door and on your way to that way overdue grocery shopping.  You can't take another day of canned sardines.  You look through your rear view mirror and are happy to see your beautiful children smiling and carrying on in their car seats when out of the 

wee corner of the backseat you hear, "I have to go pee!" 

THIS is what I call 'potty panic', yes, 

because this shit puts me in a friggin' frenzy.  

Of course, I end up asking the same stupid question of, 

'WHY didn't you go BEFORE we left the house??" (nose flaring and buggy eyed) 

Which of course the answer is ALWAYS "I didn't have to go before." 

Makes me want to just have them pee themselves.  Ugh. 

Image via Google

2. Sibling Bickering...

There is nothing worse than trying to intervene in my children's bickering.  I don't know if it's a girl thing but their level of loudness is way too much on the ear drums.  They.  Are.  Loud.  

"StopitnowbecauseotherwiseI'mnotgoingtogetyouthatwhateverthingyouwanted!" 

Is what I sound like.  

Image via Google 

3. Brushing Battles...

I can probably play an entire game of 'Words with Friends' with the many times 

I have to ask the girls to "go brush your teeth." 

What is it with kids and not wanting to go brush their teeth when their asked? 

I don't get it.  It's like, pulling teeth! 

Image via Google 

4. The Nighttime Thirst

It never fails to happen, this one.  

You tuck them in bed, give them their hugs and kisses, 

tell them how much you love them 

and wish them 'sweet dreams.'  

You leave the room door ajar and finally go and plop yourself on the couch next to 

your partner, significant other or your cat or dog.  You choose a flick or TV show, you exhale in exhaustion and then a little voice calls out, "I'm thirsty!" 

What the F*ck?? 

Image via Google

5. Fried Brain...

I give you, your NEW brain.  

This is your brain on PARENTING because no matter what we say or do 

or don't say or don't do, the results are the same.  We. Feel. Completely. Fried.  

Sunny side up, anyone? 

The End. 

  

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