I prefer blue ink over black ink and I don't particularly like the tip of my pen to be bold, it makes for fat blotchy writing, which doesn't look graceful so I stick with a fine tip. I tend to clean cooking utensils as I work along in order to have less to clean when I'm completely done cooking and I don't use the same soap sponge for more than two weeks, it's gross. I can't brush my teeth with the toilet bowl open because I don't want to see the toilet water, it's weird, I know. I'm right handed but cut my food with my left hand. In essence, we all have some kind of strange behavior that makes us unique. Just as we've noticed all the ways that we are unique, so are our children. It really doesn't matter if you have two, three or five children, and you believe that you've raised (or are raising) them all the same way, they will inevitably be very different. We may think that we raise our children in the same light but we don't. One child could be tenacious and controlling while the next one is easy going and uncomplicated and whether we realize it or not, we've embraced their natural demeanor and tailored ourselves as a parent to fit that child. We cannot possibly be a one size fits all kind of parent. It doesn't work that way. It's okay to be flexible with the needs of your child because in the end, that child will embrace your uniqueness to them as their parent.
My eldest daughter is very impatient and somewhat bossy so when she asks me that she wants this or that "immediately mommy", I explain to her that I'm aware of her immediate need for whatever it is that she wants and I 'ask' her if she can allow me some time to fulfill it. Of course, now she is 6 years old. When I include her in the 'decision process' she honors my need for 'time and space' and agrees or compromises because I've treated her with the same respect that I would like she treat me with. She feels heard and important. She is learning to reciprocate what she experiences through 'respect' and 'consideration' toward others. Now some battles don't always pan out so easily but we do what we can to be respectable loving parents.
Now my second daughter is the easy going child, the one that melds herself with whatever is happening around her. She also tends to be less expressive with her needs so I have to ensure that she doesn't go unheard (her being the middle child and all). I then have to make certain that she's aware that she 'can' ask me anything she needs by me prompting her with small questions that will not invade her slow to initiate mode. By me giving her 'options' and allowing her to 'choose' what she needs at the moment, she gains 'confidence' that I will meet whatever it is that she's had a difficult time asking for. Some children don't have the natural ability to be assertive but it can very well be nurtured in them.
My third daughter is still very young but has let her disposition be known bits at a time. We've learned that no matter how difficult a moment may seem, there is always room for a full belly laugh. This little spirit is the one who has instilled more 'compassion' and less judgment toward myself as a mom. I've smiled more at my mistakes, let go more of the times that I couldn't possibly do more to appease and have simply embraced all the ways that she makes me sillier. It's refreshing to allow your children to 'teach you' rather than you always teaching them.
One can read all the books available on parenting and how to deal with 'this or that' when it comes to children but the one thing that no book can ever teach you is how to become aware of your child's individual uniqueness that they innately come with. Just as we all have some or many idiosyncrasies, so do our children and only we can embrace the way they come to us. No book can tell you how to do it. All of your wisdom to parent 'your' child is within you. Listen, honor and share it with your child. When we allow ourselves to do this, we learn something new and our children learn to embrace our idiosyncrasies as well. No instructions needed, just an intuitive ear.
