She's so potty!

We're on the potty adventure! My youngest daughter (Kalina) is on her way to becoming diaper free and this mama is so excited to almost ditch the diapers.  Since she is the third child I consider myself seasoned and confident about how to 'train' her but this little one has ideas of her own.  For starters, she insisted on relocating her potty seat to the living room.  To be exact, right in front of the television.  Okay, okay, so she's enthusiastic about doing her potty needs but she can't miss out on watching Dora or Olivia.  Nope, she's not gonna have it.  So I had to make a compromise with her.

Me: "Kalina, mommy can't have your potty seat in front of the T.V. baby."

Kalina: "Oh no!"

Me: "Can we put it right over here in this corner?" (away from the T.V. closer to the dining room table)

Kalina: "No, no, no!"

Me: "Please baby?  Look I'll put your books here too!"

Kalina: "O-tay Mommy.  Ka-ina pee-pee in potty he-a"

Me: "Thank you tee-tee!"

Kalina: "O-tay Mommy."

She's happy with her potty seat in the 'middle' section and so it this mama.  As soon as she's done doing her stuff she's able to quickly waddle over with her panty and pants down to her knees and not miss too much of her favorite show.  It's kinda cute!

Trick or Treat or Share- How my kids gave back

Halloween is one of the most anticipated holiday's for most kids (and in our house).  For this mama here, it rings more to "sugar, hyper-kids and cavities, oh my!"  But not to fret because I had a secret plan.  I barely broached the issue of all the addictive, sticky, high fructose filled candy and chocolate that would soon pile onto my dining room table because I told my sweet little darlings that they would be getting all the candy that their teeny fist sized hearts desired.

Me: "Girls, we're going to get tons of candy this year!"

Girls: "Yay!!" (in unison).

Sabrina: "Mommy, can we eat the candy?"

Me: "Of course you can. But only a few."

Luna: "But why, Mommy?"

Me: "Don't worry, you'll be able to eat some of it."

Sabrina: "But we want to eat it all!"

Me: "Okay, okay girls, don't worry you're going to get lot's and lot's of candy!"

Pouting and confused, they went along with what I was telling them.

Off we went 'trick or treating',  one dressed as a 'Gypsy', another as 'Alice' and the third as a 'Hula Girl'.  Mommy went as 'Little Red Riding Hood' and Daddy went as 'Zorro'.  They loved that we dressed up with them and they loved it even more when we told them that they could break into their 'loot' while they bounced up and down the sidewalks and driveways collecting all that candy.

Luna: "Mommy, can I have another chocolate?"

Me: "Yes!"

Her eyes sparkled as if my face were a fourth of July explosion.  


We treated around a neighborhood with an enormous golf course for a view (amazing!) and the girls got lot's and lot's of candy.  By the time that we got half way around the one mile rotunda, the baby, Kalina (2 years is still a baby in my eyes) plopped herself in her stroller and helped herself to her candy and chocolate chip cookies someone had given her as loot.  By the time we got back to the car, Kalina's face looked as if she had smooched with the Cookie Monster (it was kinda cute!).

Sabrina: "Mommy, we got soooooooo much candy!!!"

Me: "I know, I can see!"

Luna: "Can we eat it all?"

Me: "I have a better idea."

The girls: "What?"

Me: "Why don't we go home and dump all this candy into our BIG Halloween bowl and then give it out to the trick or treaters that come to our door?"

Silence.  I waited to see what they thought.  I expected the big tantrum and all the reasons why they needed to keep their candy that they trick or treated for and yada, yada, yada... Instead, I got:


The girls: "YES!!"

Sabrina: "That's a great idea Mom!"

Luna: "Yes, I want to give away all my chocolate because I don't want to go to the dentist later."

I was happily shocked and excited that in spite of all the candy loving that goes on around here and I'm sure elsewhere, they were willing to give it all back and share with other kids.  


So when we got home, we put on Halloween music, they danced around the dining room table and couldn't wait to have their own trick or treaters to give to.  When the doorbell rang and the dog started to yap away, the girls were squealing all the way to the door and gave handfuls of candy to about thirty trick or treaters (collectively).  It was so much fun for them, I loved that all that candy was out of the house and the best part, I didn't spend a dime on candy this year ;)  It was a win win!

On to the next holiday!!

Heads or tails?

Today was just one of those 'do I have to really do this, again?' days.

I'm groggy and I haven't placed my feet on the cold floor yet and I'm already getting the "Mommy, nurse!" request from Little Miss K beside me (while she pokes at my boob-Ouch!).  Then Luna slowly creeps into my bedroom whispering to me "Mommy, Sabrina has something on her pillow!"  I'm up and out of bed in two seconds flat.  I discover that there are blood splotches all over Sabrina's pillow.

I don't panic (Investigator Mama mode is on).

I check her nose.  Nothing.  I check her ears.  Nothing.  I check her head.  Nada! What the hell?? 

Then...

Ah-ha!

The cause?  A loose tooth and her night time thumb sucking.  How did I know?  I don't know? (Moms are just cool that way).  Mystery solved and the victim didn't care either way.  

Then came the two, three, four, and five time requests of: "Go pee", "Take off your P.J's", "Brush your teeth", and "Get dressed"

Patience?  Next to zero this morning.  

Little confession. I haven't showered in two days (yes, I did change my underpants-I'm not that gross, geese!).  Does a washcloth with lavender oil sprinkled on it count as a pseudo-shower?  

Come on, that was the best I could do! 

  

In between figuring out what each one wants for breakfast (one PB& J sandwich and two bowls of vanilla goat yogurt), 'Handy Manny' blaring on the tube, the dog asking for food, re-braiding each of their hair, packing their lunch boxes, chasing the little one around the house to get her droopy diaper off, and a head to toe 'full water' shower for me (whoo-hoo!), we're out the door, FINALLY.  

My new motto: Parenting: Showers optional (sometimes not possible).  

The girls get to school past 10am (thank goodness it's a quaint laid back school) and I'm off to Target with Little Miss K.  

Now what comes next my friends was the "Who the hell am I to complain about MY life today" moment:

After doing my Target shopping I get in line to pay and start putting my things on the conveyer belt.  Little Miss K is happily entertained with a LeapFrog laptop toy (I had no intention on buying it for her-it simply bought me 'tantrum free' time-Evil!).  Then I hear these strange grunts and squeals coming from one register across from me.  I inconspicuously look over and see a fairly young woman (40ish) and her son. The sounds were coming from him.  He is her disabled child.  He starts to give her a mini tantrum while she is standing in line to pay.  He's trying to take his shirt off.  She's gently explaining to him that he can't.  He doesn't understand.  He's frustrated.  She's is calm.  She is confident.  People are looking.  My heart is sinking.   My little one is still quietly entertained (thankfully).  Her exchange with her son went something like this:

Mother: "Come on, let's go.  Walk ahead."

Son: (grunts, moans).

Mother:  "Oliver, come with Mom.  Come help me push the buttons to pay."

The cashier says 'hello' to Oliver.

Mother: "Say 'hello' Oliver."

Son: (grunts).

Mother (to the cashier):  "He's fifteen.  He likes to help push these buttons on the key pad with me."

Turns to her son.

"Right, Oliver?"

The love and patience for her son poured out of her like a cascade of flowers.  I wanted to hug her and tell her how amazing she was.  

Today is the day that all my woes seem like nothing next to this amazing Mom (Oliver's Mom).  Today is the day that I am humbled by this mother's strength, love, compassion and patience.  Today is the day that I say with an open heart, "Hats off to EVERY parent out there with a special needs child-no matter the severity" because these parents have it two hundred zillions times harder than we with 'normal' children do.  Oliver's Mother cannot roll out of bed care-free today or any day.  She is a parent in high demand, no exceptions.  She chooses to mother in awareness and love.  I choose the same things for my children too but sometimes (actually, a lot of times) I fall off the bandwagon and get caught up with my own shit and lose sight of what really matters.  Then there are moments when another person's reality places your feet back on the ground and jolts you back from stupidity.  Today was my day.  

When we choose to have a child, it's a gamble.  Heads or tails?  Who knows? We don't know what we're going to get but when our heart and soul is in it 'unconditionally', no matter what the outcome, circumstance or situation is bestowed upon us, that is when you get to experience or witness the true act of being SELFLESS.  

The case for the butterfly net

Meet my daughter, Luna.  Birth order: middle child.  Age: 5.  Disposition: cautious but clever.  Her theory on butterfly nets?  Find out here:

Me: "Luna, I can't walk though this living room without tripping on all these toys. I asked you three times already, PICK THEM UP!" (my nose is flaring at this point).

Luna: "Okay, okay, Mom! I will, I will!"

I leave the living room and go sit at my desk to contemplate the stack of bills we have yet 'to pay.'
Sabrina walks over.


Sabrina:  "Mom, can you charge my iPod?"

Me: "Okay, in a sec."

Sabrina: "Mom, please do it now cause you always say in a sec and then don't do it?"

Me: "Uggghhh...Okay!"


Sabrina leaves and within minutes, along comes Luna.


Luna: "Mommy, I have a surprise!"

Me: "Okay, what is it?"

Luna: "Look over there." (she points to the living room)

Me: "Wow, you picked up all the toys!"

Luna: "Yes, I did!"

Me: "How did you do it so fast?"

Luna: "I used a butterfly net."

There you have it.  So, according to Luna, butterfly nets are not just for catching butterflies.  Go figure!

Permission to sell *crap*

In an effort to reduce, reuse and recycle, I held a garage sale this weekend.  I had been putting this off for months and I just finally had enough with having to walk into my garage and trying to maneuver around crap e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e.  So...I drove my butt to city hall (because in the city I live in you need to have a 'Garage Sale Permit'. How weird is that? Whatever!) and got my little pink pass 'permission' to sell my crap.  I was so excited and at the same time I thought "who the hell is going to buy this stuff?" You'd be surprised! 

I had strewn about two large bags of toys across the living room floor to sort through.  Then my eldest (6) decided to join in.  I was so proud of her because she was such a good sport about getting rid the overload of toys (until she let me in on her inside plan).  

Sabrina- "Mommy, can I sort the toys that I want to sell?"

Me- "Sure sweetie.  Are you okay with getting rid of this stuff?"

Sabrina- "Yes, Mommy.  You know why?"

Me- "Why baby?"

Sabrina- "Because I'll just ask my Grandma to buy me more stuff for Christmas." (she smiles)

Me- "Hmm...we'll see."

Conniving child of mine! I could not believe it! Oh well... 

Of course, on Saturday morning, my youngest (27 months) decides that my boob is her sanctuary.  Then I get a text from my Mom-

Mom: "Nani, are you still doing the garage sale?"

Me: "Of course. Why?"

Mom: "I'm outside waiting"

Me: "Okay.  Just trying to get this kid off my boob.  Out in a sec."

When I finally retrieved my nipple back, I slowly and quietly crawled out of bed and had darling hubby be my warm body stand in (minus the boob--that would be really hairy gross!)

So with the help of my Mom,we set up, priced up, and cleaned up (whatever didn't sell was donated). The total for all my *crap* = $363.00.  I feel so liberated, light and crap free (and with permission to do so!).  Now that that is over with, I can navigate my way through my garage without feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate.  Except that now that the garage is a 'little less' cluttered, I have to deal with seeing more of and tip toeing around the icky millipedes that have decided to move into every crevice of my house. Yuck-o!  My girls think that they're disgusting and darling hubby thinks we're all just plain crazy.  But hey, I still sold my crap!

Starting now?

It's been months.  About three months to be exact, since I last posted anything on my 'mommy blog.'  So, hello again!

The girls started school back in August and I'm still trying to finish writing my seemingly endless Master's thesis.  Did I mention that I'm in graduate school attempting to complete a Master's in Creative Writing?  Okay, so now you know.  As I was saying, my two older darlings started school in August.  It's a montessori school that has a total of, um, about 9 children enrolled.  I know, I know, you're probably thinking that my kids go to some persons backyard to learn (although that doesn't sound so bad, come to think of it--like a big learning playgroup).  Actually, the school was established this past August by a woman who has been dedicating herself to the montessori philosophy for fifteen years.  The part of the school that I love the most is that my older daughter (age 6) is officially enrolled as a 'homeschooler' with the state.  Being a private school, we, the parents, have the option of doing this.  Funny enough, my recently turned five year old daughter is still considered a 'pre-schooler' because her birthday is after September 2nd.  Such a strange rule, don't you think?  Who comes up with these dates?  Anyway...

I homeschooled all of last year.  Although, I didn't keep a rigid curriculum or planned 'learning days.'  The girls simply played, learned random things along the way (nothing major) and were simply carefree most of the time.  Then I would have my meltdowns about them not getting 'learning' time in and being up to speed with their age group.  Some of my friends had their five and six year olds staying up late (like 10pm) to finish up 'sight words' and I thought that was insane! I can't imagine a poor little five year old having to stay up struggling with memorizing words.  I do understand that kids need to be given a head start with pre-reading but how much is too much? Staying up late does not sound like a plan to me. When the opportunity came for me to send the girls to school, I thought it would be good for them (and me) to have them busy doing something constructive other than wanting to watch Monster's Inc. one hundred thousand times a day.  I still have the little one at home with me.  She's two years old so that means that even though I'm a mama minus two out of three kids, the toddler counts for three when they're at school.  Go figure, she's bored without them! So now that my two older ones are in school, I too am feeling the pressure of getting them 'up to speed'.  Everyday I struggle with needing to get home with enough time to bathe the three of them, cook dinner, feed them, help daughter #1 with her weekly spelling words, getting daughter #2 not run around the house with colored pencils in her hand while toddler daughter #3 finds it amusing to stand up on a her father's desk swivel chair.  It seems like every other second (literally) I'm having to interrupt whatever I'm 'trying' to do just to find myself completely lost, frustrated and plainly exhausted by 10pm (or earlier) anyway.  

So how do I juggle three children, a husband and some writing time?  I have no freaking clue! Every day is different.  I always find myself trying to establish a pattern, routine, schedule or whatever but it just never happens.  So I just give up on all that craziness and try to do the best that I can with whatever time I have even if that means that I sit at my desk wiping dust bunnies off of my pile of 'papers to be filed' while my two year old lays nursing across my lap while she digs her finger in my nostril (Yuck, I don't know why she does that!)  Is there such a thing where you say "starting now, I'm going to do what I want"??  I wonder sometimes...

Embrace idiosyncrasies

I prefer blue ink over black ink and I don't particularly like the tip of my pen to be bold, it makes for fat blotchy writing, which doesn't look graceful so I stick with a fine tip.  I tend to clean cooking utensils as I work along in order to have less to clean when I'm completely done cooking and I don't use the same soap sponge for more than two weeks, it's gross.  I can't brush my teeth with the toilet bowl open because I don't want to see the toilet water,  it's weird, I know.  I'm right handed but cut my food with my left hand.  In essence, we all have some kind of strange behavior that makes us unique.  Just as we've noticed all the ways that we are unique, so are our children.  It really doesn't matter if you have two, three or five children, and you believe that you've raised (or are raising) them all the same way, they will inevitably be very different.  We may think that we raise our children in the same light but we don't.  One child could be tenacious and controlling while the next one is easy going and uncomplicated and whether we realize it or not, we've embraced their natural demeanor and tailored ourselves as a parent to fit that child.  We cannot possibly be a one size fits all kind of parent.  It doesn't work that way.  It's okay to be flexible with the needs of your child because in the end, that child will embrace your uniqueness to them as their parent.

My eldest daughter is very impatient and somewhat bossy so when she asks me that she wants this or that "immediately mommy", I explain to her that I'm aware of her immediate need for whatever it is that she wants and I 'ask' her if she can allow me some time to fulfill it. Of course, now she is 6 years old.  When I include her in the 'decision process' she honors my need for 'time and space' and agrees or compromises because I've treated her with the same respect that I would like she treat me with.  She feels heard and important.  She is learning to reciprocate what she experiences through 'respect' and 'consideration' toward others.  Now some battles don't always pan out so easily but we do what we can to be respectable loving parents.

Now my second daughter is the easy going child, the one that melds herself with whatever is happening around her.  She also tends to be less expressive with her needs so I have to ensure that she doesn't go unheard (her being the middle child and all).  I then have to make certain that she's aware that she 'can' ask me anything she needs by me prompting her with small questions that will not invade her slow to initiate mode.  By me giving her 'options' and allowing her to 'choose' what she needs at the moment, she gains 'confidence' that I will meet whatever it is that she's had a difficult time asking for.  Some children don't have the natural ability to be assertive but it can very well be nurtured in them.

My third daughter is still very young but has let her disposition be known bits at a time.  We've learned that no matter how difficult a moment may seem, there is always room for a full belly laugh.  This little spirit is the one who has instilled more 'compassion' and less judgment toward myself as a mom.  I've smiled more at my mistakes, let go more of the times that I couldn't possibly do more to appease and have simply embraced all the ways that she makes me sillier.  It's refreshing to allow your children to 'teach you' rather than you always teaching them.

One can read all the books available on parenting and how to deal with 'this or that' when it comes to children but the one thing that no book can ever teach you is how to become aware of your child's individual uniqueness that they innately come with.  Just as we all have some or many idiosyncrasies, so do our children and only we can embrace the way they come to us.  No book can tell you how to do it.  All of your wisdom to parent 'your' child is within you.  Listen, honor and share it with your child.  When we allow ourselves to do this, we learn something new and our children learn to embrace our idiosyncrasies as well.  No instructions needed, just an intuitive ear.