Starting now?

It's been months.  About three months to be exact, since I last posted anything on my 'mommy blog.'  So, hello again!

The girls started school back in August and I'm still trying to finish writing my seemingly endless Master's thesis.  Did I mention that I'm in graduate school attempting to complete a Master's in Creative Writing?  Okay, so now you know.  As I was saying, my two older darlings started school in August.  It's a montessori school that has a total of, um, about 9 children enrolled.  I know, I know, you're probably thinking that my kids go to some persons backyard to learn (although that doesn't sound so bad, come to think of it--like a big learning playgroup).  Actually, the school was established this past August by a woman who has been dedicating herself to the montessori philosophy for fifteen years.  The part of the school that I love the most is that my older daughter (age 6) is officially enrolled as a 'homeschooler' with the state.  Being a private school, we, the parents, have the option of doing this.  Funny enough, my recently turned five year old daughter is still considered a 'pre-schooler' because her birthday is after September 2nd.  Such a strange rule, don't you think?  Who comes up with these dates?  Anyway...

I homeschooled all of last year.  Although, I didn't keep a rigid curriculum or planned 'learning days.'  The girls simply played, learned random things along the way (nothing major) and were simply carefree most of the time.  Then I would have my meltdowns about them not getting 'learning' time in and being up to speed with their age group.  Some of my friends had their five and six year olds staying up late (like 10pm) to finish up 'sight words' and I thought that was insane! I can't imagine a poor little five year old having to stay up struggling with memorizing words.  I do understand that kids need to be given a head start with pre-reading but how much is too much? Staying up late does not sound like a plan to me. When the opportunity came for me to send the girls to school, I thought it would be good for them (and me) to have them busy doing something constructive other than wanting to watch Monster's Inc. one hundred thousand times a day.  I still have the little one at home with me.  She's two years old so that means that even though I'm a mama minus two out of three kids, the toddler counts for three when they're at school.  Go figure, she's bored without them! So now that my two older ones are in school, I too am feeling the pressure of getting them 'up to speed'.  Everyday I struggle with needing to get home with enough time to bathe the three of them, cook dinner, feed them, help daughter #1 with her weekly spelling words, getting daughter #2 not run around the house with colored pencils in her hand while toddler daughter #3 finds it amusing to stand up on a her father's desk swivel chair.  It seems like every other second (literally) I'm having to interrupt whatever I'm 'trying' to do just to find myself completely lost, frustrated and plainly exhausted by 10pm (or earlier) anyway.  

So how do I juggle three children, a husband and some writing time?  I have no freaking clue! Every day is different.  I always find myself trying to establish a pattern, routine, schedule or whatever but it just never happens.  So I just give up on all that craziness and try to do the best that I can with whatever time I have even if that means that I sit at my desk wiping dust bunnies off of my pile of 'papers to be filed' while my two year old lays nursing across my lap while she digs her finger in my nostril (Yuck, I don't know why she does that!)  Is there such a thing where you say "starting now, I'm going to do what I want"??  I wonder sometimes...