The Power of One

In this life we all have a purpose.  For some it may be helping children or making a difference in an elderly person’s life.  There are others that find comfort in knitting hats for those that have undergone chemotherapy or maybe even offering a place of solace for people who have recovered from a traumatic experience.  Whatever the purpose is for some people, the reasons are infinite and the rewards are greater than they could have ever imagined.  I had the pleasure of attending a wonderful gathering of spectacular mothers professional women.  A very dear person in my life coordinated and hosted this event and every single time we come together in this way, it’s always a breath of fresh air for most of us who attend.  We’re able to connect on a level that we don’t often times get to do on a weekly or monthly basis.  We’re able to share our most cherished moments and concerns with one another, be it professionally or maternally.  None of this could have happened had it not been for one person who willed it into being.  All it takes is the will and desire of one person to bring things together, people together or simply have such a vision for a communal need for like minded individuals to be together in one room.  When we put our minds to doing, accomplishing or setting a momentum with something, ‘anything’ in our lives, we start to see the rewards and benefits from it whether we realize it or not.  All of our actions will have some effect on our lives and/or the lives of others at some point.  We are all, in the end, connected on a larger scale.  What we ‘choose’ on a day to day basis will impact someone or something be in now or in the future, guaranteed.  The way we mother or parent our children will inevitably be seared in the mind of our child and for whatever reason, whatever we chose or not, at some point, it will always find it’s way back to remind us what we initially put in motion.  It starts with one person.  One idea.  One decision.  As mothers, we decide on so many things as whole when it comes to our children.  We do the very best that we can and hope that whatever we choose, it will benefit something in our children’s lives.  Choosing to be present with your child when they ask to show you something creates a lasting impression on them.  Choosing to listen to them when they are upset creates an open line of communication with your child.  Choosing to hold them even when you ‘think’ you need to be doing something else, like paying bills or picking up the house, creates the knowing that no matter what is happening around you, you will be there for them.  It all starts with that one choice.  So when one person chooses whatever it is that is vital in their lives, it creates momentum and a lasting impression on those around them and more.  This is the power of one.   

Sleepytime...

While talking with a dear friend of mine the other day she mentioned how she’s ‘failed to be a good parent about night time routines.’ It got me thinking of how society puts all these unrealistic pressures on parents to do things a ‘certain’ way or not. As a mother, I not only think of what is best but I also like to ‘feel’, you know, go with my gut, for what is best for my child. To be specific, I am a co-sleeping parent. What does that mean? I choose to have my baby sleep with me in my bed. Why? Because by doing this, we all actually get to sleep. I don’t want to be up struggling and trying to get my baby to go to sleep ‘alone’ because society says that you “should.” Does society know my own child better than I do? No way! I’m also someone who doesn’t believe that babies can be spoiled. The entire animal kingdom sleeps with their young. This is what we are meant to do also. There are so many other instances where societal influences actually force the parent to not honor what is best for their particular child. Children are not born with a “one size fits all” tag. What may work for one child just may not work for another especially when your child is letting you know what she or he wants or rather, needs from you as their parent. Fitting in with society doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to neglect your child(s) needs. This is a classic way to rear children that lose touch with their inner voice and learn to ‘not trust’. As parents, we must instill in our children that their needs are first and foremost in our loving and raising them, no matter what society or the neighbors may think. In the end, our children will not care about whether we fit into ‘societal norms’ but they will remember how we chose to parent and honor their needs as our children. Being a loving, present and willing parent is all they need. They’re only but little for a short time…

Horton Hears *Wisdom

Parenting should be listed in the Webster's Dictionary with a footnote that reads, *Prepare to be amazed!*. I always find it so refreshing to hear and witness the wisdom that our children bring to our lives. The other day I was chatting with a good friend and she was sharing a brief conversational exchange that she and her eldest child had. My friend was doing the usual household chore of folding clean clothes. She is a mother of three (ages 7, 2 and 4 months). Her daughter of age 7 walks into the room and asks her, "Mom, don't you hear that my baby brother is crying?", My friend responds, "Yeah, I do" and her daughter comes back with "Well, I think you should go pick him up because he's more important than what you're doing right now". As my friend is sharing this story with me, I smile and think how very connected and aware children really are when we don't allow adults, media or other sources of disconnect to interfere with their natural state of 'in the moment'. A seven year old little girl was able to 'know' that mundane chores or less pertinent tasks did not trump the fact that her infant sibling needed his mother.

The problem here is that we adults get caught up in the everyday 'rat race' of doing more than we can manage at the expense of brushing our children's needs aside (even if its for 5 minutes). Those five minutes could have been a moment of discovery to your child, or an instant second of a new thought that occurred to them, or a simple "I wanted to say, I love you", or "can you give me a hug?", or "I simply want to be held now". Every moment has a genuine opportunity for us to be 'in the moment' with our children. At times we allow our 'authority' to over shadow the true wisdom and insights our children bring to our lives. The classic 'because I said so" inevitably crushes their spirit and opens up other ways for them to snatch our attention. And not necessarily in positive ways for them to attain it. We forget that our children have great ideas, look at the world differently, view our actions with a different veil, and can ultimately bring us closer to the 'now' and less from a 'wandering' mind. Their voice matters and as parents, the best attention that we can give them is acknowledging their thoughts and opinions. We like to be heard. So do they. We love to share thoughts. So do they. We love to have our own opinions. So do they.

The most insightful children's story that shares this message is our beloved Dr. Seuss', "Horton Hears a Who". It's a great story for the entire family and a wonderful way to explain to our children that everyone has a voice, everyone matters and that we all have to respect one another in order to be respected. Our children will model who we are. If they are bullied, they will in turn, bully others. If they are disrespected, they will in turn, disrespect others. If their voice isn't heard, they will in turn, ignore the important aspects of their lives by shutting out the voices that do matter, including their own. If we impart compassion, they will be compassionate. If we stop to listen, they will stop to listen to us. So, at the end of the day we must remember that our children carry wisdom that can shed some light on our lives because as Horton stated, "a person's a person, no matter how small".

K.I.S.S. because less is more...

We live our lives surrounded by stuff, knickknacks, useless objects, this, that and things, things, things. I've been on an ongoing operation of 'clearing' my surroundings of things that I'm not passionate about (I don't have much as it is). When you come to think of it, if you forgot you had it, then you probably don't 'need' it in the first place. When you're bound by things around you, you can't think clearly, your energy is stagnant, you become uneasy, you become unpleasant, you become someone that even you don't want to be around. Why? Because stuff that you're not passionate about is hovering over all the 'potential' ways that you can have a clear mind, a mellow disposition and a general happy state of being. It's easy to get siphoned into having more things because it's very tempting to want the latest trend, gadget, item or pointless paraphernalia. When we fall for this we express to our children all the ways that we put more attention to 'stuff' than to the simple things in our lives. We teach them to want more, have bigger, collect this and save that. All for what? We end up with a house full of things, not memories.

To counteract this 'more madness' we must first start with ourselves. One day at a time, one moment at a time and one project at a time. We can clear the way to create a path to peace with ourselves by peeling away the useless layers of 'stuff' we've accumulated (and I know that we all have useless things lying around). Make it fun! Don't think twice about discarding a thing or two, or three of four. Give yourself permission to 'free yourself' of things. By doing this, our children start to see and experience being content with less and feeling grateful for what they do have. They'll start to understand that more isn't always better. Why? Because they'll see all these feelings in us. We'll emit our sense of satisfaction and they'll follow. There is no need to be forceful or coerce them into it. They will naturally come to this realization by seeing and feeling it simply by our actions toward our own 'things', or lack thereof. We are our children's first hand source of a living example. So I say, K.I.S.S. Keep-it-simple-silly because less is more.

We're all just specks...

The girls and I met with some friends at the Miami Museum of Science for an afternoon of exploration and fun. It was great because we were practically the only 'group' there. The kids were able to run around, scream, jump, discover, explore, spin, and just 'be kids' without anyone saying or complaining about them. While there, we also went to the planetarium for a "Worlds in Motion" show. Again, we had the entire planetarium to ourselves. We saw the constellations and how our universe is infinite.

What stood out for me was not so much how unimaginably grand the universe is, but rather how small we are in comparison to it. We, our planet, are in the center of who knows where, since who knows how long, and in the grand scheme of things, it all just seems so minute compared to all the other stuff around us. Here on this wonderful planet we call Earth, we lead busy lives, we worry about many things, we want and try to control just about everything we can (if possible), we get caught up in the he said she said, this or that, yada, yada, yada. Our children are all part of this hyper sense of the need to do, do, do and not so much about the 'just being' aspect. I say, life could be much simpler. We can take long walks. Enjoy the sunshine and birds chirping. Enjoy the rain. See the sunrise. See the sunset. Listen, I mean really 'listen' to the laughter of our children. Be amused at the sight of your child, or another, follow a little caterpillar. Feel the grass under our bare feet. Laugh at ourselves. Laugh with others. Be inspired by small things. Sit and watch waves come up on the beach. Enjoy each moment of our waking lives, no matter what.

Our children are our best instructors. They guide us to what they need. They share what they truly love with us. They grant us the permission to make mistakes and still love us. They are your biggest fans. The are the epitome of unconditional everything. They want to share this world along with us. So when all the worries steer you from the moment and the mundane instances creep a little too close to reality, we simply have to remember this, we're all just specks in this great big universe. Period.

Sticking to "9's"

The girls and I went to see Tim Burton's new movie, "9". Fifteen minutes into the movie, the two little ones fell asleep and the older one followed twenty minutes after that. I was able to watch the movie without interruptions! I must say that I loved the message the movie gave and the subtle ways that it emitted this message. 9, the character, is a tenacious and resilient little burlap made automaton. One of the most endearing qualities of his character is his humble spirit. This most important messages that I gathered from this fantastic film were:

1. Think for yourself
2. Ask many questions (no matter what).
3. Be brave (you'll "forget to remember to be scared").
4. Follow your passions.
5. Don't be driven by fear.
6. Have compassion.
7. Never give up.
8. The sky is the limit.
9. Make the absolute best with what you have. Period.
(No, I did not list 9 on purpose, it just strangely came out that way!)

All of these messages are life lessons and tools that we could all live by. I especially love these messages for children because they are so full of intrigue, thirst for information (not the type we spoon feed to them-but what they seek) and are full of life. Children have the capacity to ask their own questions without grown ups feeling like they 'need' to butt in to their creative learning process. Children are learning all of the time and they don't need to live their lives memorizing mundane information. Especially things that they are not passionate about. This is what I love and admire about being a 'facilitator' to my children and not a 'director'. They live in the moment and they are present with what is happening now, not yesterday and not tomorrow. This is true peace. This is true beauty. This is true life. As the movie imparts with one at the end, "The world is ours and it's what we make of it".

My Moon...

9/8/09

Dear Luna Mia:

Four years ago today your light shone through me. I held your soft chubby little body against my breasts while we were surrounded in warm water and felt the universe spin my world into a dance of love for you. The overwhelming joy you have brought into my life is almost difficult to put into words my sweet Luna. Your genuine smile illuminates me in my darkest hours and your compassion puts me at ease beside my fears. You are a mirror into my heart and I cherish the moments that bring me the pleasure to be able to mother you.
In the past year, you have grown from the baby girl that observed before she took a chance to now feeling confident that you are and can do anything your heart desires. You have a thriving love of dance and an infinite creative imagination of a pure, joyful and splendid spirit. Your self-directed storybook moment’s grip my attention into your magical world of play and takes me along the ride that I so longed to partake in as a young girl. I no longer need to feel that loss because I have you. I am privileged to be an admirer of your world and happiness. Your laughter is medicine to my woes and your gaze is a mysterious window into your soul. I am lucky to be your mother because as your beautiful name implies, you are my moon.
I have only but to look forward to the joys and sweet challenges that your unique self will bring me. Your gifts have opened up places in my heart that I thought never existed and have left me looking forward to all the ways that you will make me a better observer, listener and participant into your beautiful existence. Happy 4th Birthday, my moon, my daughter, my friend… I love you always and all ways, Mommy.

Mothering

No one can ever prepare a mother on her journey of mothering. She must find her path by living through the experience of the most precious and blessed act in her life, mothering her own child or children.

When we become pregnant with our first child, we’re anxious, full of doubt about our own capabilities as a person caring for another being, we have fear of the unknown, and we’re utterly worried about every insignificant detail. Then our child is born and along with him or her, so are we as a mother.

And the journey begins. We face the anxieties, we put a portion of our doubts to rest, and we drop some of our fears and worries. We grow alongside with this new being that we’ve brought into the world. They become our world and we see ourselves through them. In many ways, we mother ourselves as well.

Then some of us are fortunate to have yet another experience of bringing forth life. We invite a second child into our lives. We imagine what our lives will be like with another being to share his or her life with our current child. We wonder if we’ll ever be able to love another child as much as our first. We also wonder how we’ll ever manage in caring for two children.

Our second child is then born and we quickly learn that going from one to two children is a big leap. It’s not as easy as caring for one child. It’s also not so bad because the first child now has a new “playmate.” We also learn that we indeed love this second baby equally as much as the first. There is no difference in the love we give or share with the new baby. Our hearts become content and we continue on our path of mothering.

It doesn’t matter how many children you have, only you can discover and know your own capabilities as a mother. No expert, or book can give you instructions to live by. The best advice is the advice of the gut. The strong intuition we all carry from the moment our tiny being is conceived. Only a mother knows her child best.

When we decide that we want to experience motherhood for yet a third time, all the same thoughts come spiraling through our thoughts and we soon learn that we become much easier on ourselves as a mother and as a person. We accept things as they are. We drop ridiculous expectations of ourselves and take things for what they’re worth. We know that our love is infinite for our children. We know that we simply do the best that we can. It is what it is. That’s it. We know that life is a small wonder and that our children are the sparks that make it worthwhile and exciting.

We learned along the way that everything we needed to know was already inside of us. It begins at our center, at our core and from our child. Our journey into motherhood is not only a journey in caring, loving and raising our young, but it is also a journey of caring, loving and raising ourselves.

Our children have much to teach us. If we allow them to do just that, we will discover parts of ourselves that will amaze us and allow us to realize that every single child that we bear has a purpose not only to his or her life, but also to our own. They are little gifts and they come with gifts to share.

Time. Overrated or not?

The most discussed subject is the issue of "time". We're always hearing about "no time for this" or "no time for that". Could it be that time is completely overrated? I ask myself this because it seems that I spend a great deal of my day thinking "will I have time to do some writing today" or "I don't think I'll have time to take the girls to the park". Or some mundane instance where "time" has taken me and all the ideas, things or desires that I would like to engage in hostage. I place this unrealistic notion that if "time" doesn't permit, then I cannot do it. Whatever it may be. Of course there is the scheduled time and appointments that come into play also but what is all the fuss, I say? Today I got up at 8:40 a.m. For some that may be too late and for others too early. Today I had breakfast at 9:30 a.m. and the same thing applies. My point? Things happen on their "own time". Not when we want or say they do. I write when it's right. Not when I say I need to because it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It wasn't the clock that told me, it was the moment that did. I give birth when my body is ready to and not when a person feels it's "time" for me to do so. We make new friends because it happens and not because we said "it's time for a new friend". So, in all sense of the matter, perhaps "time" is overrated and we need to just let it go and let it be, for the "time" being :)

Rain, rain, go away or not?

Summer is officially here and we're stuck in the house while the earth is being showered on. Seems boring and all but the truth is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the rain! Really!! For some reason it inspires me to be extra creative and puts me in that state of mind that is ideal for writing. I get to get the stuff out and "see" what it looks like. All the while my girls are either stringing beads to make bracelets and necklaces, or imagining their room to be a fairy hideaway, the dog is just hanging out snoozing under the coffee table and the baby is crawling around the house with her cloth diaper and a teething cracker in the one hand. I get to write. I also get to sew. Two things I simply love to do. So rain, please don't go away. I welcome your fresh inspiring water.

Just write

This is my mantra for the next 2 weeks. "Just Write!" I need to produce a substantial amount of work for my last advanced writing workshop before my thesis that starts in August. Yikes! I have tons of ideas but can't seem to decide on just one. I think that I may just sit in front of the white screen and do what I need to and that is, again, "Just Write". So, between doing groceries, putting them all away, nursing the baby, changing a dirty diaper, feeding the dog, picking up the two bigger girls up from summer camp, going to pee, at least once, and feeding the new goldfish, I need to "Just Write". No ifs, ands or buts! My life is wonderful and I need to savor and document each moment of it. Is it nap time yet??

Nothing but Poe?

Whew! It's been a while. Too much to tell and too little time. So this week marks the first adventure in raising three darlings, taking care of the home, tending to Darling Husband (DH), and taking my 6th graduate level course in my MFA program. Nothing but Poe is our topic for this week. After a long seven month break from the program, my engines are revved up to go full force. All the joys of reading, analyzing, criticizing and extensively and critically writing about the works of Edgar Allan Poe. So while I'm getting two little girls ready for school, nursing my eight month old and seeing to it that DH has clean underwear to go to work, I'll be engulfed in the "Dark Romanticism" of Poe.