The Power of One

In this life we all have a purpose.  For some it may be helping children or making a difference in an elderly person’s life.  There are others that find comfort in knitting hats for those that have undergone chemotherapy or maybe even offering a place of solace for people who have recovered from a traumatic experience.  Whatever the purpose is for some people, the reasons are infinite and the rewards are greater than they could have ever imagined.  I had the pleasure of attending a wonderful gathering of spectacular mothers professional women.  A very dear person in my life coordinated and hosted this event and every single time we come together in this way, it’s always a breath of fresh air for most of us who attend.  We’re able to connect on a level that we don’t often times get to do on a weekly or monthly basis.  We’re able to share our most cherished moments and concerns with one another, be it professionally or maternally.  None of this could have happened had it not been for one person who willed it into being.  All it takes is the will and desire of one person to bring things together, people together or simply have such a vision for a communal need for like minded individuals to be together in one room.  When we put our minds to doing, accomplishing or setting a momentum with something, ‘anything’ in our lives, we start to see the rewards and benefits from it whether we realize it or not.  All of our actions will have some effect on our lives and/or the lives of others at some point.  We are all, in the end, connected on a larger scale.  What we ‘choose’ on a day to day basis will impact someone or something be in now or in the future, guaranteed.  The way we mother or parent our children will inevitably be seared in the mind of our child and for whatever reason, whatever we chose or not, at some point, it will always find it’s way back to remind us what we initially put in motion.  It starts with one person.  One idea.  One decision.  As mothers, we decide on so many things as whole when it comes to our children.  We do the very best that we can and hope that whatever we choose, it will benefit something in our children’s lives.  Choosing to be present with your child when they ask to show you something creates a lasting impression on them.  Choosing to listen to them when they are upset creates an open line of communication with your child.  Choosing to hold them even when you ‘think’ you need to be doing something else, like paying bills or picking up the house, creates the knowing that no matter what is happening around you, you will be there for them.  It all starts with that one choice.  So when one person chooses whatever it is that is vital in their lives, it creates momentum and a lasting impression on those around them and more.  This is the power of one.   

Sleepytime...

While talking with a dear friend of mine the other day she mentioned how she’s ‘failed to be a good parent about night time routines.’ It got me thinking of how society puts all these unrealistic pressures on parents to do things a ‘certain’ way or not. As a mother, I not only think of what is best but I also like to ‘feel’, you know, go with my gut, for what is best for my child. To be specific, I am a co-sleeping parent. What does that mean? I choose to have my baby sleep with me in my bed. Why? Because by doing this, we all actually get to sleep. I don’t want to be up struggling and trying to get my baby to go to sleep ‘alone’ because society says that you “should.” Does society know my own child better than I do? No way! I’m also someone who doesn’t believe that babies can be spoiled. The entire animal kingdom sleeps with their young. This is what we are meant to do also. There are so many other instances where societal influences actually force the parent to not honor what is best for their particular child. Children are not born with a “one size fits all” tag. What may work for one child just may not work for another especially when your child is letting you know what she or he wants or rather, needs from you as their parent. Fitting in with society doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to neglect your child(s) needs. This is a classic way to rear children that lose touch with their inner voice and learn to ‘not trust’. As parents, we must instill in our children that their needs are first and foremost in our loving and raising them, no matter what society or the neighbors may think. In the end, our children will not care about whether we fit into ‘societal norms’ but they will remember how we chose to parent and honor their needs as our children. Being a loving, present and willing parent is all they need. They’re only but little for a short time…

Horton Hears *Wisdom

Parenting should be listed in the Webster's Dictionary with a footnote that reads, *Prepare to be amazed!*. I always find it so refreshing to hear and witness the wisdom that our children bring to our lives. The other day I was chatting with a good friend and she was sharing a brief conversational exchange that she and her eldest child had. My friend was doing the usual household chore of folding clean clothes. She is a mother of three (ages 7, 2 and 4 months). Her daughter of age 7 walks into the room and asks her, "Mom, don't you hear that my baby brother is crying?", My friend responds, "Yeah, I do" and her daughter comes back with "Well, I think you should go pick him up because he's more important than what you're doing right now". As my friend is sharing this story with me, I smile and think how very connected and aware children really are when we don't allow adults, media or other sources of disconnect to interfere with their natural state of 'in the moment'. A seven year old little girl was able to 'know' that mundane chores or less pertinent tasks did not trump the fact that her infant sibling needed his mother.

The problem here is that we adults get caught up in the everyday 'rat race' of doing more than we can manage at the expense of brushing our children's needs aside (even if its for 5 minutes). Those five minutes could have been a moment of discovery to your child, or an instant second of a new thought that occurred to them, or a simple "I wanted to say, I love you", or "can you give me a hug?", or "I simply want to be held now". Every moment has a genuine opportunity for us to be 'in the moment' with our children. At times we allow our 'authority' to over shadow the true wisdom and insights our children bring to our lives. The classic 'because I said so" inevitably crushes their spirit and opens up other ways for them to snatch our attention. And not necessarily in positive ways for them to attain it. We forget that our children have great ideas, look at the world differently, view our actions with a different veil, and can ultimately bring us closer to the 'now' and less from a 'wandering' mind. Their voice matters and as parents, the best attention that we can give them is acknowledging their thoughts and opinions. We like to be heard. So do they. We love to share thoughts. So do they. We love to have our own opinions. So do they.

The most insightful children's story that shares this message is our beloved Dr. Seuss', "Horton Hears a Who". It's a great story for the entire family and a wonderful way to explain to our children that everyone has a voice, everyone matters and that we all have to respect one another in order to be respected. Our children will model who we are. If they are bullied, they will in turn, bully others. If they are disrespected, they will in turn, disrespect others. If their voice isn't heard, they will in turn, ignore the important aspects of their lives by shutting out the voices that do matter, including their own. If we impart compassion, they will be compassionate. If we stop to listen, they will stop to listen to us. So, at the end of the day we must remember that our children carry wisdom that can shed some light on our lives because as Horton stated, "a person's a person, no matter how small".

K.I.S.S. because less is more...

We live our lives surrounded by stuff, knickknacks, useless objects, this, that and things, things, things. I've been on an ongoing operation of 'clearing' my surroundings of things that I'm not passionate about (I don't have much as it is). When you come to think of it, if you forgot you had it, then you probably don't 'need' it in the first place. When you're bound by things around you, you can't think clearly, your energy is stagnant, you become uneasy, you become unpleasant, you become someone that even you don't want to be around. Why? Because stuff that you're not passionate about is hovering over all the 'potential' ways that you can have a clear mind, a mellow disposition and a general happy state of being. It's easy to get siphoned into having more things because it's very tempting to want the latest trend, gadget, item or pointless paraphernalia. When we fall for this we express to our children all the ways that we put more attention to 'stuff' than to the simple things in our lives. We teach them to want more, have bigger, collect this and save that. All for what? We end up with a house full of things, not memories.

To counteract this 'more madness' we must first start with ourselves. One day at a time, one moment at a time and one project at a time. We can clear the way to create a path to peace with ourselves by peeling away the useless layers of 'stuff' we've accumulated (and I know that we all have useless things lying around). Make it fun! Don't think twice about discarding a thing or two, or three of four. Give yourself permission to 'free yourself' of things. By doing this, our children start to see and experience being content with less and feeling grateful for what they do have. They'll start to understand that more isn't always better. Why? Because they'll see all these feelings in us. We'll emit our sense of satisfaction and they'll follow. There is no need to be forceful or coerce them into it. They will naturally come to this realization by seeing and feeling it simply by our actions toward our own 'things', or lack thereof. We are our children's first hand source of a living example. So I say, K.I.S.S. Keep-it-simple-silly because less is more.