What I mean by this is that there will always be a moment, situation, instance, time, etc., that I simply have to throw out the rules and just let things 'be' because I know that I cannot control all things surrounding myself and especially not my children (even if I or many of us secretly or openly want to.) Follow?
Now I'm not saying that having rules is a bad thing. Boundaries are good, when needed. Limits are good, when necessary. Schedules are good for sanity. BUT these do not apply 100% of the time.
When I had my first child and found myself navigating the unknown waters of a newborn, teething, breast-feeing, me being sick or the baby being sick or both and all that jazz that comes with the territory of motherhood, I quickly learned that trying to meld a situation to my standards or liking was never going to work because I figured that this modus operandi would make me, well, narcissistic.
I had to drop my 'legal secretary' experienced mind with respect to order, schedules, predictability, expectations, high standards, rigidity but most of all, control. The legal world is brimming with control freaks and I was a soldier on that team. Until I became a mother.
After my first child arrived nearly six weeks early, she squashed my theory of planning a birth. Then my second pregnancy became the epitome of my mantra, "let it go and let it be" (because we didn't quite know an estimated conception date therefore, an estimated due date was just a gestational hypothesis.) So I quickly learned that neurotic control would only make for an unhappy mama and later a tethered bebe.
My second round into motherhood gave me an acutely high maintenance baby with severe colic, cried 20 out of 24 hours and she had intense 'mommy-itis' which gave me the overall feeling that I was going to drown in my own tears.
She was a tough one but oh so sweet and loving. I almost didn't have number three because of her but am SO happy I did because as the cliché says, "alls well that ends well."
Now, don't be under the wrong impression, I still worry and plan and have rules and 'try' to keep to a bed 'time' and am overly cautious while out with them in public and make mistakes and struggle to keep my house clean and always have laundry coming out of my ears and yada, yada, yada... all that same boring stuff we ALL do and go through.
I learned to be flexible. Yes, flexible because otherwise, everything surrounding my children and myself would simply become an issue, problem or pain in my ass and in the asses of others if I weren't. So, I loosened my grip, became more lax and allowed more because what I ultimately experienced was a more relaxed and satisfied me once I cultivated this within myself.
Sure, the girls had 'nap times' but if they didn't have one that day, no biggie (perhaps they were going through a growth spurt or some other change) and if they were tired, they slept anywhere. When they're tired, they're tired no matter what is happening around them. Yes, I also restricted certain foods, well, that is until they went to pre-school because it didn't always mean that what I packed in their lunchbox was what they consumed. That little bubble bursted real fast! At some point, there is only so much a parent can omit or restrict in a child's diet UNLESS they have a diagnosed food allergy or other medical issue (it happens to us all-no biggie.) TV? What about TV? They watch it, and? They aren't less smart or less imaginative or less social or couch potatoes because they view Dora or Pixar or heck, Word World. All in moderation is A-okay! If I'm too hard or strict on my kids, then that too will one day back fire on me... just my thoughts on this.
There is no right or wrong way to parent. We are all doing the best with what we've been given. This is my experience and observations about what motherhood has taught me. All I'm saying is that flexibility is much more appealing in the long run and will surely give you less lines on your forehead.
Each and every one of my girls have taught me a little more, pushed a little more, challenged a little and ultimately molded the mother I am and the mother they need me to be because I invited being flexible into my life. They are all different. They all have different needs. I notice them happier when they see me go with the flow. It affects them and how they interact with others as well. I can attest that motherhood is much easier when I'm flexible.
Again, I cannot predict or know a thing at any given moment but my children will remember and know how they felt depending on how flexible I was.
Try it... you may be surprised.
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