Doing...the speck dance

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This morning I woke up to a long trail of teensy-weensy black ants that were deliberately trailing in a very straight line from my kitchen garbage can, down the step to the living room and back out through the side crack of the rear door of the house.  I watched them for a while.  I kinda just stood there, half awake and half contemplating whether I should go pee or walk to my desk, pull out the checkbook and write out the overdue mortgage payment.  But there I was, standing, watching and completely mesmerized at the idea that I was this ginormous thing starring down on these little specks of an 'ant' working along and doing what they do in their world.   So off I went to do my own speck dance and left the ants there because it was just too damn early to engage in THAT much housework.

This idea of constant movement, dealing with life itself is tiring.  The thought brings me back to a blog post I wrote back in 2009 right here on Mama Scribble, 'We're all just specks...  Thanks to a video one of my MANY Sister's shared with me last night, she got my thought process jogging.  Thanks M!

What is it about us having to DO so much?  I know I'm not the only person 'doing' something at any given moment.  What I mean is that I'm not alone in my need or obligation to do this or that and believe you me, it doesn't always entail things that are remotely pleasurable.  You know, like having to spray, wipe, spray, wipe my cheeky Pomeranian's piss on the tile floor because the thunder scared the crap out of her (no pun intended.) Or the lift, dump, spray and rinse my three year old's little adorable lime green potty seat.  No, not the most pleasant of tasks but I must DO them, nevertheless.

We're all just doing the speck dance! That's what I like to call it (it places some perspective in my own little world here).  Now don't think this is some kind of epiphany of mine, heck NO! It simply is what it is.  We worry too much, we enjoy too little and we can never find the right anything to sit back and say 'Ah, now this, this I like...'  

It's true, if you look at the grand scheme of things, we're just these tiny specks in this immensely large Universe and we're doing the speck dance, i.e., running around doing errands, trying to live an 'authentic life', tapping into our 'higher consciousness', worrying about mundane things, hurting those we love, making a difference, making dreams come true and squashing others, preaching our religion to the world, expressing a compassionate side, thinking that two wrongs make a right, expressing our passions without any restraints, loving everything we surround ourselves with, dropping an issue and picking up another, severing relationships, falling in love, killing our children, advocating our 'truths', being human, making mistakes, living in 'denial', being outspoken, kowtowing to man and woman, correcting a wrongdoing, healing our wounds, writing our own bullshit on a blog (LOL!), yada, yada, yada and everything else in between.

There is no perfect anything.  We create what we want when we want it and while there are many things out of our immediate control, there are simple things that we can make matter most.  I don't need to list them or point them out because we all have different truths, different priorities and very different lives in general.  Sure, there are similarities that we may share and common interests and what not but we are ALL unique in the grand scheme of things.

I'm no better than anyone else out there and vice versa.  Vanessa is a human being that makes a TON of mistakes, says the wrong things, comes down on herself, contemplates a little too much, is severely obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness, blames herself FIRST, is never a 'good enough' Mom, pencils in time to have more sex with her husband for always being so fucking exhausted, yells a tad bit too much when overwhelmed, sometimes wishes she could run away for twelve hours straight and would hope that no one would miss her,  is a trapped poet struggling to pen her words, is REALLY scared of the dark (no joke!) and cries in her car when she's completely alone BUT with all of those things (and much too much to list here) she also picks herself right back up and continues to do the speck dance because that's what we do here on planet Earth.

Openly,
Vanessa~ 


The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth.- Chinese Proverb