I Lost It and Then I Cried...

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It took one little trigger.  A petty one at best.  She had left it right there, on the kitchen counter top among all the other things I had strewn all over it.  The 'Title' to her jalopy, my Mom's piece of crap jalopy.  "I gave it to you and you had it here, right here on the counter"  she told me.  "I don't loose things, I may be a bit scatter brained but I don't loose things" I stammered.  I felt my anxiety start to creep up my spine and into my nape as I continued pacing from my desk and back to the kitchen counter and back to my desk and back again and back and forth and back and forth trying to locate the effing jalopy Title so that she could go and junk it for $450.

My husband was trying to help me as I would continue repeating "I don't loose things."  Finally, my Mother resorted to trying to go and get a duplicate copy from a tag agency.  Within ten minutes she called us to let us know that is was going to cost $150 just for a simple duplicate.  My husband was on the phone with her and he asked her, once again, if she was absolutely SURE that she had left here with me, "Do you think that you took it home?" he asked her.  She was positive that she gave it to me and I did remember that but again, I don't loose things.  Is anyone listening to me?! 


Within the time of the searching and the pacing and the doubting of myself, I inevitably started to blame my husband for me not having my desk organized, papers filed away, bills paid on time, bags of documents and crap that need shredding because I am simply OVERWHELMED and tired and up to my chin in responsibilities and never being able to get ahead and worrying way too much about others and tired of the bullshit that others bring into my life because they don't know what a day in my life is...!

I lost it, the Title.  I lost it, my temper.  I lost it, my need to keep it together.  I lost it, my sense of worth.  I yelled and I insulted and I took it out on the closest person in my proximity that I show this raw, broken down side to, my husband.

Five minutes after ALL that, my Mother called him and told him that she had found the Title sitting on her dresser and that she was so sorry to have put me through that.  Then I cried...


'Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.- Oscar Wilde~