The little girl's mother struggled with her own stability and was often
looking for temporary placement
in family members' home for her little girl.
She struggled with being able to tend to her two year old daughter's needs.
She struggled with the stigma of being an irresponsible person and mother.
Her life was too complicated to worry about a toddler.
So she thought.
Then one day two very loving and willing people, that already had two children of their own, offered to take the little girl into their home. They promised to care for her, love her and support her for an indefinite amount of time. Their selfless act of offering their love was genuine. The young mother of 24 years of age agreed to hand over her daughter to them. Them being her older brother and sister-in-law.
No legal agreements.
No time constraints.
Nothing but the child and a black garbage bag stuffed with little girl's clothes.
The couple had always dreamed of having a daughter as they already had two boys. They drove off to North Carolina from Miami. They began their life with an added 'daughter' in it. They could not have been happier.
They loved her, immensely. They made her giggle. They kept her warm at night. They let her take as many bubble baths as she desired. They showered her with toys and smiles and lot's and lot's of photos. She had homemade dresses sewn for her. She baked in the kitchen with her 'mom' and she made her 'dad' run around and chase her. They simply fell madly in love with her.
Morning time
Picking home grown carrots in a handmade 'Raggedy Ann' dress
Handmade dresses for the photo shoot of her last day with them.
Their 'daughter's' stay lasted a mere three months. The little girl's mother called them up one day claiming her back. With no prior warning or a chance to prepare for the dreaded 'good-bye', they had to let go of their little girl, forever.
There was literally nothing they could have done, despite their attempt to legally adopt her. Her mother was adamant about wanting her back in Miami. She was, after all, her mother. But the child needed more and they were willing and able to provide it. That was that.
*********************************************************************************
You've probably guessed by now that the above story belongs to me.
I was that little girl.
I was the child that was nurtured and loved by two selfless and loving family members.
My Uncle Julio and Aunt Mary.
Over the years, I've heard countless stories of what 'could have been' as for my life had my Uncle Julio and Aunt Mary raised me. I've heard of the ways that they simply adored and fell madly in love with the little me.
I've also heard of the heart wrenching pain that they both experienced because they were not able to claim me as their own. Their pain has been carried through the years of absence and longing for the 'daughter' they once were so close to having.
Once upon a daughter, I was to them...
I slipped through their grasp, their love, their selfless involvement of my well being and safe harbor. It was never my choice. I was simply a tool for others to handle and disregard, at times.
An innocent and vulnerable child at the mercy of adults that were too self absorbed to allow a better 'chance' of a decent upbringing.
I cannot change the past. I cannot play the 'blame' game. I cannot hold resentment or bitter feelings toward responsible parties. I simply cannot sit and dwell on what 'could have been' because my life continued.
I struggled, but I continued.
As a mother to three incredibly inspiring daughters, the thought of being robbed of mothering, loving and raising them simply causes a great pang of angst and deep sadness within me.
I can never imagine this as a reality.
I am compassionate to both my Uncle and Aunt as well as, my mother.
Everyone wanted to do their 'best' by me. In the end, not one succeeded.
There is nothing wrong with that. We are human and imperfect. I'm perfectly okay with this.
I am eternally grateful for the short but loving and sheltering time I spent with my Uncle Julio and Aunt Mary. They both reside in a special corner of my heart, forever.
I will never truly know how impacting their short lived love and nurturing toward me was seared in my psyche. The one thing I know for sure is that I think of it often, honor it always, and own it as the time that the little me was allowed to shine and smile and giggle and love to my heart's content without restraints or fear or doubt.
The time I spent with them shaped me in some miraculous way, melded love into my soul and has allowed me to hone in on the mother I always needed and wanted for myself, as I now mother my own incredible daughters.
I love you, Uncle Julio. I love you, Aunt Mary. You are my eternal parents.
Thank you for loving the tiny soul in me that made your hearts beat just a little louder each time I giggled. That time will never be lost because it lives in my heart...forever.
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